38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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