I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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