Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
