Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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