he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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