Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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