ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
