Only a mothe r could love this liver
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
