I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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