The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
