WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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