i think my tv is drunk
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
