I just threw up on my dentist
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
