Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
