I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
