Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
