I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
