Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
