this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
