Just fell off a train. Bad.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
