She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
