Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
