I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
