you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize