You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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