is your mom at the bar?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
