Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
