he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
