There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
