why didn't you poke me back
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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