i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
