he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
