Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
