This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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