Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
