Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
