One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
