Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
