you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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