I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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