I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
