: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize