I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
