Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
