Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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