On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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