am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
