Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
