what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
