Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize