I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
