I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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