Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
