I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
