she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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