I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
