Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
