I think im going to throw up on grandma
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
