i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
