Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
