it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
