hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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