your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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