Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
