Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
