I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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