sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
