At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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