Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
