i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
