Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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