I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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