Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
