return my video game
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
