I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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