ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
