i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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