I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
