just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
