i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
