my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
