mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
