A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
