im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
