I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
