i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
