someone get that fucking seahorse.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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