They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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