kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
