A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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