His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
