i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
