just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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