Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
