If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
