God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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