I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
