I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
