I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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