The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
