So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
