I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
