I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
