What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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