just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't put those talents on a resume
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
