What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize