he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
