The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
