Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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